Peace and two strings

After college, a lot of people I knew went off to work in the financial world. Many were making a ton of money. I spent a number of months envying the money they made, even if I knew I couldn't bring myself to dedicate that many hours to an uncreative, uber-competitive work world that treated employees like cogs in a wheel rather than living, breathing human beings. Still, there were pangs of envy at my friends who could afford to live on their own, purchase designer bags and clothes, take sweet vacations. The way Wall St. and the other financial institutions have been nosediving in the last few weeks, I can't help but breathe a sigh of relief. I'm glad that isn't the picture of a perfect future, as sorry as I am for those that are within it. I had spent so much time gauging myself against those who worked for those companies, wondering if I might have turned out differently if I transferred out of Gallatin to Stern instead. It's not the be all end all, and the ugly side to America's financial prowess rears its ugly head. I'm just surprised people aren't taking to the streets. Well, I guess we're not France.

I've got mixed feelings on Wall St., as I'm sure everyone does. This administration and Congress haven't done enough to watch over us, and now they want us to give our money to cover their asses. Well, it just doesn't seem right. What's in it for the taxpayers who have suffered financially for too long? What's in it for me, who has all these student loans to pay off? I live in a culture that insists on taking out loans to do what might seem a basic right to others - pursue higher education. And now I would be punished? I have a feeling a "bailout" similar to the one voted on isn't the way to go about this, though I know they'll go for attempt number 2. But until there's something clearly in it for the "little people," the bill won't go anywhere.

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I spent the Sunday evening w/ Rob's family on a cruise up and down the Hudson. It was a bit long, but was pretty fun. Rob's sister, brother-in-law, father and grandmother were all there and there was a lot of food and booze to go around. I wish we'd left earlier, as it had gotten dark fast, but it was refreshing no less.

Saturday I finally had a day with no obligations. What a relief. I played some music, wrote a song and then hung out with Joyce. We went out for sushi, hit the mall, grabbed a drink and then watched "Lars and the Real Girl." Such a great movie. It was endearing the way his small midwestern town rallied to support him, even if it meant pretending to believe a toy sex doll was real.

Friday I spent at Rob's eating Thai food and watching the debate. It was interesting... to say the least.

I don't know about Scotland now.

Maybe it'd be better to hold off, given the current economic climate.

Scotland in February

I know, it sounds a little crazy and quick. It's not a decision yet, but I found a killer deal online (http://www.kayak.com/h/elanding?lpc=email_092408_dv&IrelandVacations/rmainoffers/deals092408=&pg=5) and now I'm thinking this might be the answer to a couple things I've thought about.
1. A vacation, just me and my sister.
2. Not spending too much (everything, including airfare, car, lodging and breakfast comes out to about $1200)
3. Going somewhere I haven't been before
4. Returning to Europe

I have to book by next week, so I'm not 100%. Plus I just found this deal about 45 minutes ago.

But I miss the exhiliration of making a last-minute decision to travel where I haven't been. That's what I did with Hawaii in 2004, London in 2005, Trinidad this past November... and I have the money without going in the red, and still making a good savings by a year from today. Hopefully the rates don't fall too far after this economic meltdown...but barring a total interest loss, I think I could really do it.

Scotland?

Ahh so beautiful.

30 some days...

You do it 'cause it hurts to not
You do it 'cause it feels too good
You do it though they laugh inside
To you it is the only road.

Some times I just forget why I do what I do. So easy to get self-conscious, and too introspective and concerned with myself to stop caring and just do. You know what I mean?

I don't know how I got to be this way, but maybe there's a way God could make me stop...

Miss Busybody

The last few weekends have been pretty eventful. Two weekends ago was my show w/ the guys in the band at Crash Mansion. Last weekend was the benefit gig in Maryland and then sightseeing through the D.C. mall. This weekend me and my sister went to see the Music Builds tour with Switchfoot, Third Day, Jars of Clay and Robert Randolph. The latter was amazing... he had me on my feet dancing and clapping until my hands were read and sore. It was the third time I'd seen SF but it was probably the best performance I'd seen. I also haven't seen them play since my freshman or sophomore year. They'd added a lot of really fun quirks to their set, and Jon Foreman was just awesome, running around all over the place, standing on anything he dared to (sound amps, his drummer's bass drum, a Marshall boxy thingy that had wheels and was perilously high, the handles on the audience's chairs). He walked into the crowd and had them help him walk on the seats. I also ended up meeting the guy who makes Chad's hand drums, and he told me he'd send me a free djembe. Score!

We had gotten some pretty kickass seats - one of the perks of my job. We also had meet and greet passes, but we got there too late! Major poops. I like to think Jon would have remembered me, since he made note of my name and thought it was cool (cool! swoon).

We left during Third Day's set...we didn't like them too much.. I also surprisingly didn't get the biggest kick out of Jars of Clay, but they weren't bad. Oh well, it was still some fun bonding time with my sis, and the first time I got to see PNC bank center, which was awesome too.

Today I finished off the backup vocals for my album... so all the vocals are officially done. Wow. What a lot of work... I really wish I didn't have to work so I could finish all of this quickly. Letting it fester has made for lots of emotion swirling and confusion for me...best case scenario would have been to finish it in 5-6 months. Oh well... that's that.


Phew... waiting for Rob to call so I can finally see him.

If weeks were keys, this would be in minor

It's a dreary day, probably rightly so. They're restructuring the department, causing a bunch of people to lose their jobs, and most of us are understandably frustrated. There's a little part of me that just wants to pretend things are going to stay as they are, but they're not. I want to pretend we won't move out of this office into the notoriously frumpy Garrett Mountain location, and I want to pretend the same people that are here now will be here when we get through this. But that's just not how it's going to happen. I know I'm lucky that my job is unaffected and that youth is on my side. But what's disheartening is the status of this industry and this country as a whole. The president of this company is eerily comparable to George W. in history, mentality and birth order. He might run us down, the same way W. did the USA. Today I imagined a near future when I would say goodbye and start a new life in France. Or maybe Geneva. Either way - somewhere where life is better lived...where we aren't just cogs in the wheel or accomplices in terrorist acts to others. Enough already.

Blast from the past, at a cost

I've calmed down over the elections bit, thanks to an article from the NY Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/11/opinion/11collins.html?_r=1&em&oref=slogin). That it takes a columnist to get me my nerves back is comical, but so it goes these days for me.

So on to other things... today I visited Jess, who now works at a toy shop called Inay (Filipino for "Mother") in the posh Riverside Square Mall. All the toys are made from natural material, mostly. A lot of wooden toys and dollhouses, musical instruments, slingshots and wooden puzzles. It seemed like a wholesome blast from the past; really a charming store I could fall irreverently in love with, until I caught a glimpse at some of the price tags. There was a wooden animal set for $300, a large decorative mobile for $400 and a dollhouse for $700. Sure, there were some items that were affordable (I set my eyes on a kalimba for $32), but largely it was oversized price tags for a key to simple childhood. Imagine that. We used to play with sticks and stones, rubber bands and whatever trinkets we could scrounge from our mom's drawers and shelves. We once made our own puzzles and pictures, and now there was this store, offering the same simple wares but at a price suitable for a totally different income bracket. Imagine those little kids in their J. Crew sweaters and corduroys, picking up one of those slingshots and hurling a ping pong ball and then breaking a window with said ping pong ball. That experience isn't any different than if the kid had made his own slingshot and stolen the ping pong balls from the garage. But this store would sell both slingshot and a set of two ping pong balls for $20. Really?

It's not bad that there's a store like this - as I said before, I found it terribly charming - but what bothers me is that there's actually a demand for this kind of thing among the upper echelons. Please! Just let your kid run around the backyard for once. Then he can learn about wood, and how to make it into other things, or dirt, and how to pick it up and roll around in it, or leaves and how if you paste them on a piece of paper they make a nice wall decoration.

I just imagine that future they had on Wall-E... it's already starting!

Well, I tried

It's felt like nothing short of a nightmarish roller coaster the last few days, except I wish it were just a nightmare, not reality. Obama is now the one who needs to pick up his standings in the polls and, those snarky repubs, their sorry excuse for a VP candidate is actually playing right into the hands of the uneducated voters. If there are educated voters who still think she's a good choice, then they're downright stupid. What, oh WHAT is this country coming to?

I clicked on a story in my paper to try to get my mind off it, maybe immerse myself in something light and entertaining. So I saw kitties, and I clicked on the image of the kitties, and there was this story: http://www.northjersey.com/betterliving/pets/Kitten_that_was_tossed_will_need_2000_surgery.html

Needless to say, that didn't help any so I resorted to e-venting instead.

A friend and I talked about leaving this country... it looks like I might have to re-apply for my job, which means I either get paid less than I already do, or I might be out of a job. Maybe it's not a bad time to consider working abroad. I still need a decent job to pay off my loans and this album, though. But I can't imagine getting paid less than I already do at this point.

God help!... Not that I deserve it, and not that I'm not bad enough for only asking for help when I need it...

Right to choose

For almost a week now, my mind has been awash with thoughts of this upcoming election. Mostly, it's fear of the worst - another four years of Republicans in office. But the thoughts came flooding in after McCain picked Palin as his running mate - news officemates reacted to with confusion - can this country really elect this man, whose judgment is so impaired and so (hate to use a catchphrase) out of touch, to the highest office in the land, and possibly the most important in the world? There's a sick feeling in my stomach at that thought, knowing that eight years ago a similar thing happened. When Bush was elected I knew the worst was going to come. Even at 14 I could see through the veil of morality and righteous rhetoric. It was clear to me the egoism and disconcerting foolishness of this man. It's frightening that only a few years later, my fears proved right as we went to a senseless, endless war with a country that had nothing to do with the reasons he and his cronies touted. I remember being 14 and thinking, surely the American public can't fall for this. Surely they're smarter.

I was wrong. So until the results come in on November 4 (barring another Florida or Ohio "mishap" or whatever you call it), I'm holding my breath and praying feverishly that Americans can see this all for what it is and look beyond the rhetoric of a self-righteous party.