Home again

What a trip that was. I can't articulate where I am after it. It was kind of a whirlwind week, and while I was skeptical in the beginning, the time spent with family and the scenery and fun activities made this vacation memorable. I'm home, and I'm tired because of jet-lag but I can't really sleep. I was comfortable on the ride in (I was bumped to first class from Mexico City) so I didn't suffer any aches or pains after the ride. I constantly felt guilty, though, not being able to sit with Ate Faye. 

Anyway, I find myself in a strange emotional place after it. Maybe it's just a sligh displacement. I guess more than anything, though, I feel a stronger desire to figure myself out. Get things going, figure out my future, be a better person - more involved in my music and my art, less concerned with expectations or self-inflicted pressures that debilitate me. I just want to be - I just want to live, exist, and find freedom in being myself. I want to take the time to write and take everything in, and I don't want to gloss over ideas, just carving the outer layer to song ideas, or things that could be better-developed. I have become too careless with too much of this. I know I'm rambling, and I'm not sure how one topic is segueing, but I can't care. I'm tired and this is what's coming out! Maybe that's why I get so insecure sometimes... because I know that I could be delving more into things, instead of stopping before I've gotten my knees wet. And when I see that in others, I know deep in my heart that I should be doing the same.  

Here I go pushing myself again. . .