One of those weeks...

When everything that can go wrong seems to go wrong. I spent half the week in a bad mood, constantly getting into fights with Rob. Mostly it was over stupid things: something he said or didn't say, something he didn't do that I believed should have been done, a habit of his that I found annoying. Then I got a cell phone ticket, for a most unfortunate two seconds of my life.  Then today's gig was almost a nightmare. I couldn't figure out how to sing Meaningless, thanks to not hearing the monitor and barely myself. I knew I shouldn't have even done the song. I also botched up a bunch of the words and got self-conscious with all the people milling about. It was just not a good crowd. I need to swear off gigs with bad sound systems, crowds that don't understand and other such things. I need to be more perceptive of gigs.

I'm starting to fear that I'm not cut out for this.

My band and I practiced yesterday and we realized how much work had to be done to get the songs up to par with the recordings. Not to mention the need for a fourth member - preferably a guitarist and vocalist in one. 

I'm fantasizing what life would be like if I didn't have to invest my soul, money and mind into such an ambition. I'm wondering what it'd be like to just worry about work, and a love life and the little hobbies on the side. I'm wondering if I could have had it easier at one point. I've always thought I was good at making things harder on myself. Maybe it's time to up and go. 

Sigh. I don't know. Maybe this week won't get any worse, but I'm not holding my breath.

Just hoping Mexico will do the trick to get me out of this funk and get me back into some perspective. God, help.